


Say Something, I'm (not) Giving Up On You

by SairenHaria



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Aged Up!Hiro, Alive!Tadashi, Brief apperances by the rest of the cast, Incest, M/M, Multi, also Hiccup, is this how tags work?, just feels, nothing to explicit honestly, past Hiro/Hiccup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3582810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SairenHaria/pseuds/SairenHaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiro discovers a video file in Tadashi's recycle bin, and learns something to late. Or so he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anon Prompt: Things you didn't say at all.

It was to be expected that files were deleted from Baymax’s chip. Most of it were just test subroutines, programming with errors, things that Tadashi had to tweak and improve. All in the recycle bin of Tadashi’s computer that he did the programming. It felt weird being on Tadashi’s machine, but it was all set up for reading the chip so it just made sense.

Hiro didn’t concern himself with the deleted files. Not until he realized he deleted Baymax’s communication subroutines. (It’s what he got for programming after being awake forty eight hours on the power of gummy bears and energy drinks.)

But it was a simple enough fix. It wasn’t hard to find the file in the recycle bin and restore it to it’s proper place. It was then he noticed it. Amongst all the programs there was a single video file.

For the life of him, Hiro couldn’t figure out why Tadashi would delete a video file. It’s not like other ones weren’t as embarrassing as all get out. What happened in this one that it got deleted? Or maybe it was an accident while his brother was sleep deprived.

Not sleeping for the sake of work was a habit they shared. Had shared.

Curious, Hiro pulled it back to the main computer and played it.

It began innocently enough. Tadashi introduced himself, declared it the ninety-eighth test, and went through the motions with Baymax. Tested his mobility and ability to walk around the room, how to dispense his various medicines, how to pull out lollipops, and if he could charge the defibrillators. 

There were two odds things. One was Tadashi looked distracted. Upset. It took a minute for Hiro to remember that the day on the video was in the middle of that one week where Tadashi practically lived at the school. It had ended when Aunt Cass finally scolded him over the phone that he needed to come home for proper rest and food.

The second was the fact Tadashi never asked for a scan. Something Baymax noticed and asked about.

“…I know what the scan will bring up,” Tadashi said, frowning at his notes.

“Are you. Unwell?” Baymax asked.

“Yeah. I guess you could say that,” Tadashi replied and he seemed so bitter that it took HIro by surprise.

“I would like to help. I will scan you now,” Baymax said.

“What. Wait, n-” Tadashi said, waving a hand in front of the robot as if that would stop the scan.

“Scan complete.”

“Unbelievable.”

Hiro chuckled at the familiar exchange as Baymax started to list off various chemicals and neurotransmitters. “Diagnosis: depression.” That shut Hiro up.

Tadashi sighed, rubbing his face. “Yeah. Yeah, sounds about right.”

“I do not know how to treat depression.”

“I haven’t gotten to that part yet. I don’t think you could help me anyway.”

“Am I not supposed to help people?”

Tadashi set down the clipboard. “This….this isn’t something you can fix.”

“I would like to help.”

“You can’t,“ Tadashi was gritting his teeth, frustration clear. It was so surreal. It wasn’t often Hiro saw Tadashi get so worked up so fast. Even this level of frustration took him being really persistent about the bot fights.

“Can I not try?” Baymax persisted.

“You can’t help someone as sick as me.” And that. That was like a punch to the gut. When did Tadashi have that much self loathing for himself?

“I believe depression is usually viewed as treatable.”

“Not that kind of sick Baymax. It’s…it’s an expression,” Tadashi said, slumped down in his chair, hand going over his face. He looked so defeated and Hiro wished he had known. That he had known Tadashi was hurting about something so he could have helped. “I’m a freak. A…a perverted…evil…the worst kind of brother.”

“What?” Hiro said, staring at the screen in wide eyed confusion. Was he the cause of these feelings? Why would Tadashi think he was the worst.

“You speak fondly of you brother. And. Express worry. Are these bad traits in a brother?” Baymax asked.

Tadashi laughed, bitter and hateful. “No. But falling in love with them is.”

Hiro froze. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of his body. He couldn’t breathe.

“Is love not. Positive?”

“Not this kind,” Tadashi said quietly. “Hiro shouldn’t need protection from me.”

“I do not understand.”

“…I know. That’s enough work today, Baymax. I’m satisfied with my care,” Tadashi said, voice thick, and Hiro can see the tears slipping out from under his hand as the video ended.

Hiro could only stare at the screen, and it’s only when his lungs burn that he finally takes a shuddering breath, and sobbed.

“You…bonehead,” Hiro muttered as the tears started to fall, curling up against the desk. His hand clutched at his chest, as the familiar heart ache returned. “I didn’t need protection. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Tadashi’s defeated form blurred through the tears. “I thought it was just me…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes what we think isn't reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally chapter one had been a oneshot. Then inkstainsonmyhands hoped for a happy ending and I thought I'd give it a shot and then it was four times longer than the original and Hiccup was there.

It had hurt to delete the file, but Hiro knew he had to. He made absolutely sure there would be no way to recover it. He wouldn’t let Tadashi’s name ever be dragged through the mud. He heard it, just once, and that…that would have to be enough.

It was more than he had ever expected to get.

He spent two days locked away in his lab, with an excuse of working on Baymax, and let himself recover. It worked, if he gave himself a time limit. He knew he never dealt with his own pain well, but as long as he knew when he had to be better, then he could do it. He wouldn’t have to worry Aunt Cass or his friends that much ever again.

After two days, he returned to classes, and he returned to superheroing like nothing had changed. 

But sometimes Hiro asked for Baymax to play test ninety-eighth for him and pretend he doesn’t know why Tadashi looked so defeated and tired. That this wasn’t the second ninety-eighth test. That Tadashi didn’t reveal his feelings to the robot, but instead had told Hiro himself and this was just another test.

It was just pretend, in the dark hours of the night, when his heart was hurting just a bit too much.

* * *

Three years had passed since Tadashi died and Hiro knew that the ache would never go away. He still moved forward, tried to be someone Tadashi would be proud of. He saved lives in battle armor, and he improved them with his own inventions and Baymax.

Three years and Hiro finally had a deal going with a medical company about mass producing Baymax. Of course they wanted to see him in action, and it was finally decided Baymax would do a scan of the John/Jane Doe ward. It avoided any complaining families.

“The scanner is perhaps one of the more impressive features Baymax has. Instead of having to wheel in specialty machines and process it through external computers, Baymax can just scan and display the results within seconds,” Hiro recited, trying to not let his nervousness show. “And in emergency situations, he can even scan multiple people at once with this helmet.”

Of course it wasn’t the superhero helmet, instead something simpler with the plus sign that would stereotypically be on a nurse’s hat. “One scan of the room and he can tell you the chart of any patient. Baymax, scan. Now, we just need to indicate whose status we want and-Baymax, where are you going?” Hiro’s head whipped around as he heard far more squeaking than was necessary for Baymax to be scanning.

And there Baymax was, heading for the far end of the row of beds.

“I have detected a previous patient,” Baymax said.

“What? What are you talking about?” Baymax knew better than to make it known that he recognized anyone that they saved while in armor. There had been a few near disastrous incidents a few months in with a cafe regular. Baymax knew never to indicate he knew someone he met in armor that wasn't on the team.

But anyone who would be a known ‘previous patient’ for normal Baymax was at the Cafe in a (not) surprise party to congratulate them on deal.

“Mister Hamada, is there a problem?” The representative asked.

“No, no, he’s just…he’s proactive, that’s why he’s a good healthcare companion,” Hiro said. Then he brightened. “Actually, this might be a good thing! If Baymax recognizes a patient, we may be able to help the hospital identify them. He has a long memory, after all,” Hiro added, moving to where Baymax was. Maybe it was another SFIT student that Tadashi had roped into a test?

“Do you have the name, Baym-” Hiro’s breath caught in his throat as he saw who Baymax was standing in front of. No, it couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible.

“Tadashi is here,” Baymax said.

Hiro felt his legs go weak. He stumbled, catching himself on the end of the bed, staring at the sight before him.

There he was.Old burn scars crawling up from his neck and part of his face, and all along his arms. Maybe nerve damage, maybe not, he’d have to ask Baymax. But even with the burn scars, and longer hair, it was still a face he knew. A face he memorized.

Tadashi. Tadashi was on the bed, hook up to so many machines, one with a steady beat that said his heart was going. That his heart was still beating, alive.

“Mister Hamada?”

It was then Hiro remembered he wasn’t alone. “I…uh…I…”

Luckily Baymax picked up the slack. “When discovering a loved one thought passed has not, it is natural for one to be overwhelmed. As Hiro’s healthcare companion, I would like to request a reschedule for my demonstration as Hiro deals with the realization that his brother is alive.”

Hiro laughed, a bit manic, because wow, of course Baymax could make it sound so clinical. He wasn’t even sure what was said after that, though he’d later learned that they understood and asked that he’d call them later about a rescheduling.

He’d also learn that Baymax had called the others when not even thirty minutes later, Aunt Cass and the others came bursting into the ward.

There had been a lot of crying and laughing then and Hiro wasn’t sure who was even doing what.

* * *

The doctors had brought up the fact that Tadashi hadn’t woken up after three years. That chances weren’t good he’d ever wake up at all. That he’d just always be a vegetable.

Aunt Cass had torn them a new one. That she thought her nephew was dead for three years and she wasn’t giving up on him now.

* * *

Hiro eventually went through the demonstration again. Though the people had already been impressed. Hiro was right. If a Baymax was in a hospital for a long time, it would be very easy to find out John/Jane Does as long as they were local. Maybe even globally depending on if the robots could share their files.

It was good. The deal would bring in a lot of money to pay for Tadashi’s hospital bills.

* * *

Hiro visited everyday. Sometimes it’d only be a few minutes, sometimes it’d be for hours. He just needed to see Tadashi everyday, assure himself that his brother was still alive.

Usually someone else would be with him. They didn’t come everyday, but they came often enough. 

Once the money started coming in, Aunt Cass had Tadashi moved to a private room. If they could afford it, why not?

Hiro would talk a lot. He’d tell Tadashi about his day, about his inventions, about the funny thing Fred did. Anything and everything. Eventually, he’d even talk about his moonlighting as a superhero.

He told Tadashi about Callaghan.

About what he almost did on the island.

He asked if Tadashi was proud of him.

He’d beg for Tadashi to just say something because he wasn’t going to give up on him.

He’d say anything and everything. Except one thing.

“There’s something I want to tell you,” Hiro whispered one night, holding Tadashi’s hand up to his bowed forehead as if in prayer. “But I won’t. Not until you wake up.“

“Please. Wake up.”

* * *

It wasn’t like Hiro hadn’t tried to get over his feelings for Tadashi. For those three years, he had tried dating. Even gone on some blind dates Honey had set up for him.

No one had interested him. No one could keep up with him in the way Tadashi could. No one could get him like Tadashi and while he tried, he really, honestly, TRIED, it never worked out.

His last, and longest lasting of three months, boyfriend had called him out on it. Hiccup had come close. He was smart, creative, snarky, and caring, and Hiro was sure if he just tried hard enough, maybe something could happen. Or so he tried to convince himself.

”You’re in love with somebody else,” Hiccup had said one day out of the blue. It hadn’t been a question.

”What?” Hiro didn’t dare look away from his programming, trying to not give anything away.

”You’re in love with somebody else,” Hiccup said again, moving over to lean against the desk. “And you can laugh and pretend it’s not true and I can keep insisting until you give in or I let it go and we can be miserable about it. Or, you know, we can both be not dumb, and you just admit it.”

Hiro wanted to fight, to argue, but, well, Hiccup had a point. Instead he just lowered his hands. “That obvious, huh?”

”Kinda. I mean, I might have the advantage being the same way, but…”

”The same way?” Hiro asked, looking up in confusion.

”Bit of a Romeo and Juliet thing. Dad really doesn’t like his family,” Hiccup said. “Not sure what’s standing in the way of you two with how your Aunt is, but doing this…it’s not gonna work.”

”Says the guy doing the same thing,” Hiro said flatly.

”Exactly why I know it won’t work. Been trying for four years now and nothing does it,” Hiccup admitted sheepishly, a sad smile on his face. “You came close, you really did, but…”

Hiro looked down. “…what are you gonna do then?”

”I’m gonna take the risk. See if I can get my happiness. You should try to,” Hiccup said, voice soft, encouraging.

Hiro didn’t have the heart to tell him that, at the time, his love had been dead. But he stopped pretending he could ever love anybody else the same way.

The demonstration had been a month and a half later, and those words came back to him.

* * *

It was one week later that Hiro got the call at school.

“He’s awake!” Aunt Cass’ voice shrieked through the phone and Hiro couldn’t even mind. Not when it was those words blowing out his ear drums. He might have managed to get out a coming before hanging up, or he might not, he couldn’t be sure. All he knew was he was running through the lab, shouting the same thing as Aunt Cass as he headed for the parking lot. If the sound of chaos in the background was any indication, they got the message, but he’d concern himself with that later.

Right now, he just needed to get on his motorcycle and get to the hospital. He may have broken every speeding law along the way, but what the cops didn’t see won’t hurt him.

He barely said a word to the nurse at the front desk, easily recognizable by now, as he rushed through the halls. There were shouts to slow down, but it didn’t matter, none of it mattered, because it was just down this hall, just down this hall and-

The door swung open and there was Aunt Cass, crying and obviously trying to get herself together as Tadashi just smiled sheepishly, hand resting on her shoulder. He looked so tired, and weak, but he was AWAKE.

Tadashi looked over and his eyes brightened, and he looked relieved. “Hi-” He started, only to be interrupted as Hiro all, but flung himself across the room and onto the bed, clinging onto Tadashi. “Oof!”

“Hiro!” Aunt Cass squeaked. “Be careful.”

“Sorry,” Hiro muttered, but didn’t move from his spot. He felt the rumble of Tadashi’s chest as he laughed weakly. 

“Still such a bonehead,” Tadashi muttered.

“Still better than being a nerd,” Hiro shot back and couldn’t help the wide grin on his face as he felt Tadashi laugh again.

* * *

Of course, three years in a coma had taken it’s toll. Not to mention some nerve damage due to the fire. It was a miracle Tadashi’s fingers still had most of their mobility, and Hiro was already thinking of ideas to help him achieve the rest of it. Sometimes robots required a delicate touch and like hell he’d let anything be beyond Tadashi.

As it was, however, Tadashi had to get through physical therapy first. He had to build up strength in his limbs, so worryingly thin after so long. Hiro brought in Baymax (much to Tadashi's delight to see how his robot had improved) and worked on making up a good diet and exercise plan for Tadashi to follow to help him recover faster.

As well as make sure he didn’t push himself too far. He did have a tendency of biting off more than he could reasonably chew.

Still, after a few weeks, Tadashi was allowed to return home. He still needed a wheelchair, but in some months, hopefully he wouldn’t even need that.

Hiro may have also installed one of those chair elevators in all the stairs in the house. Something Tadashi teased him greatly for. It only got worse when he noticed Hiro had actually cleaned their room for once in his life. Hiro took it in stride though. The fact Tadashi was around to tease him was better than he had ever expected.

It was when they were alone in their room that Tadashi brought it up.

“I think Fred gave me weird dreams,” Tadashi said, laying on his bed. “Because I keep remembering stories about you guys being superheroes.”

Hiro had laughed nervously at that. “Uh. Well. See. The thing about that is…”

He wouldn’t lie to Tadashi. So he explained it all, explained what happened, showed him the newspapers of all they’ve done.

Of course, Tadashi was one part proud big brother and one part freaked out mother hen because _what if you had died Hiro?!_ Hiro endured it all because even this, even Tadashi worried, was like heaven after not hearing it for so long.

He didn’t bring up the one thing he didn’t say, not yet.

* * *

Months passed. Tadashi got better and now only really needed a cane to get around. He had gained back a lot of weight, and didn’t look like a strong breeze could knock him over.

He had started up school again and worked with the medical company on fine tuning the Baymax line. There would be Baymaxes in hospitals everywhere in the next year if things went right.

He was going to help a lot of people. Hiro knew Tadashi should be overjoyed and for the most part, he seemed to be. But now that Hiro knew the truth, he’d see it sometimes.

The way Tadashi would look at him when he thinks he’s not looking. The lost, forlorn look.

He needed to say something. Soon.

He had it all planned out. He would drag Tadashi out on a night on the town. Show him the cool new robot parts shop. Maybe go to the air museum and point out what machines inspired the design for Baymax’s flight suit. Take him to that ramen shop that Fred had showed him with the absolute best noodles. Then maybe a walk in the park, somewhere secluded and he’d just…talk.

That had been the plan.

Except SOMEONE in the local gang had gotten their hands on EXPLOSIVES and Hiro would almost feel sorry for the guy with the beat down the others gave him. But he had been the one near the explosion so no. Fuck that guy.

Baymax declared that a hospital would not be necessary, though he’d still recommend it. At Hiro’s refusal, he did insist they turn in for the night so Baymax could treat his injuries properly.

They had taken refuge in the garage. One Hiro was out of his armor and stripped down to just his pants, Baymax began his treatment. It was then he declared Hiro would need stitches which was always a fun ride. If there was one design flaw, it was that that were no good way to make marshmallow fingers handle a sewing needle delicately. Which meant Hiro had to do it.

At least he had practice with it. It just always hurt.

But mother hen instincts were not to be denied and Tadashi showed up just as he had prepared the needle. The look of horror on his face at Hiro bleeding would be one that would haunt Hiro forever, but at least he didn’t scream.

“I’m fine! Just a few stitches, and that’s it,” Hiro said, holding up a hand as if that would keep Tadashi from freaking out.

Which, apparently, it did. Or perhaps giving Tadashi something to do did it. Within a few seconds, Tadashi was by Hiro’s side, taking the needle. “A con for the huggable design, huh?” Tadashi murmured, looking over the injury, Baymax had already cleaned it, letting him just start the stitches.

Hiro hissed and nodded. “Still trying to figure out how to get around it without it going movie horror vinyl skin removal,” he muttered.

“That does sound pretty horrifying,” Tadashi agreed and they fell into silence as he kept up the stitches to the occasional hiss from Hiro. He cut and tied off the thread before cleaning up the rest of the blood. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly.

Hiro nodded. “Yeah. My suit got most of it. I’ve had worse,” he said and grimaced when he saw the worry in Tadashi’s eyes. Maybe not the right thing to say.

Tadashi pulled off the bloodied gloves, tossing them in the trash. “You’ve really grown up,” he said instead. “You used to pout and whine when I treated your injuries before.”

Hiro shrugged. “Baymax doesn’t really pay attention to whining. And after the first time you do your own stitches, it seems kind of childish.”

“You were a child,” Tadashi said, looking Hiro over. “But I guess you’re not anymore.”

“I am almost eighteen,” Hiro agreed.

“Yeah. Yeah, you are,” Tadashi said, sounding distracted, a hand moving to touch Hiro’s chest. Hiro stopped breathing, waiting, but then Tadashi pulled away in more ways than one.

Hiro saw it, that flash of self loathing, and he could see all the rest. Tadashi scolding himself, telling himself it was Hiro, it was his brother, he wasn’t supposed to think like that. Especially when he was hurt, what a horrible brother he was. All the horrible things Tadashi had to be telling himself for who knows how long.

No, no, Hiro wouldn’t allow it.

His hand reached out to take his hand, making the other jump.

“Hiro?” Tadashi said, surprised at Hiro’s sudden action and the serious look on his face.

“You remembered me telling you about being a superhero,” Hiro said. “Do you remember…remember what I said? About something I wanted to tell you when you woke up?”

Tadashi looked trapped, but not confused. “I-”

“You do,” Hiro said.

“What does that have to do with-”

“Shut up. Just…shut up and let me say this,” Hiro said. “Actually, no, wait, don’t want to do that again. Baymax, I’m satisfied with my care,” he said, looking over to the robot.

Baymax blinked, but nodded, moving over to his charging station to shut down.

“Hiro, are you sure, you might still be hurt,” Tadashi said.

“I can activate him in a few minutes, but I really don’t want to delete any of his memories, it feels kind of skeevey,” Hiro said with a shrug.

“Why would you need to delete his memory?” Tadashi asked, looking even more startled.

“You’ll know in a minute,” Hiro said, turning to face Tadashi more fully, holding his hand in both of his. “Because you did it before and I know you’re going to freak out, but…but you need to hear this. Because you’re the best brother I could ask for. You were always there. You always helped me and supported me. You made me happy when everything else made me miserable. You didn’t give up on me when I had given up on myself.”

“Hiro, I-where is this coming from?” Tadashi asked, looking torn between running and staying where he was.

“From years of not saying anything. From years of giving up on seeing you again. Do you know how much I’ve been doing just because I knew it would make you proud? I wasn’t exactly the type to be a hero on my own. I just…for one moment, I saw how you saw the world, I understood and it changed everything. Made everything better, brighter. Even when you were dead…you were still saving me,” Hiro said and he fought hard to keep looking at Tadashi. To not let embarrassment make him look away, to try and protect some of his 'dignity.' To not be so…

Vulnerable.

But if it was Tadashi, it was all right to be vulnerable.

“So. Is it any surprised I fell in love with you?” His voice quiet, earnest, and he’s pretty sure his eyes are pleading. To let Tadashi know he meant it.

Tadashi froze. His eyes widening in surprise. “Hiro…you-you don’t-”

“Don’t you dare say I don’t know what I’m talking about,” Hiro said warningly. “I’ve had a long time to figure it out. Even after I mourned, after I moved on, the feelings wouldn’t go away. I love you, Tadashi. I always have.”

It shut Tadashi up, at least. It was still there. That self loathing, that pain, but there was also something else. A spark of hope. A brightness in his eyes. Something that made Hiro smile and he put a hand on Tadashi’s cheek.

“I’m going to kiss you now, bonehead,” Hiro said and pressed his lips chastely against Tadashi’s. It was a few moments, but eventually Tadashi relaxed, kissed back.

And Hiro knew it. He knew he could feed that spark, make it grow, let it banish away the feelings of guilt and self hate. To give Tadashi the happiness he deserved.

It would take time, that he had no doubt.

But they had it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking prompts on my tumblr: http://hirointhemaking.tumblr.com/


End file.
